Month: June 2024

June is the Cruelest Month

~ Randy Blazak ~ 1 Comment

June 21, 2014

School’s out, longer days, warm summer nights. What’s not to love about June? As a kid, I knew I could balance out the onslaught of pine pollen allergies with hours of playing Sharks & Minnows at the pool. (Now I leverage endless coffee against the Benadryl.) As an adult, June was all about commencement, a few weeks of sleeping in, and celebrating Pride with my LGBT friends. The lack of social media let us think it was all wine and roses.

Then came the Tweets and Trump. It seemed like all at once all the hate that been hiding under a rock came roaring into the daylight. On a June evening in 2016, that hate took 49 lives at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. I was in Washington DC when it happened and watched as President Obama lowered the flags on federal buildings to half-mast. And the Trump trolls wasted no seconds in complaining about the need to grieve the death of “homosexuals.” I heard them with my own ears. “They were pedophiles, not veterans,” I heard one man in a MAGA hat say, in front of the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian.

Over the next four years, after Trump’s election, it only got worse. Hate crimes spiked as bigots were given license to take off their hoods and go mainstream. The deadly 2017 “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville was a foreshadowing of things to come. The racist and homophobic bile that used to be the stock and trade of the “deep web” flooded your mom’s social media feed. Who needs to wade though 4chan anymore when you can freely and openly spew hate on Facebook? There’s no need to be anonymous anymore. If you’ve had it with gay pride and black lives mattering, the floor is yours.

On June 17, 2021 President Biden signed the Juneteenth holiday into law and, again, the Trumpies were triggered. The day the marks when the last group of Texas slaves were informed that slavery was abolished has been an informal black holiday for years and I had attended many a Juneteenth celebration. Thanks to the hard work of teacher and activist Opal Lee, it was now a federal holiday. When Lee was twelve, a mob of 500 white supremacists burned down her family home in Fort Worth, Texas. In 2021, Lee stood next to President Biden at the signing as white supremacists burned down her holiday on line.

Social media has been the place where bigots come out of the closet. Soon as posts celebrating Pride Month appeared the comments section became a soup of homophobia, decrying the holiday as “woke,” “sinful,” “sick,” and a celebration of child abuse. One woman posted, “Why is there a month celebrating putting a penis into an ass?” Trumpies posted that “their” pride flag was the American flag. I tried to respond to each and every one with a meme that read, “Pride is important because someone tonight still believes they’re better off dead than being gay.” The response was met with laughing face emojis and I just realized my efforts were pointless.

The Juneteen celebration posts brought out white supremacists by the score. A meme circulated that Juneteeth was for black people since they couldn’t celebrate Father’s Day. Posts that equated Juneteeth with black crime and the destruction of “America” came fast furious. I tried to engage with one commenter who told me that black people need to be more grateful to white people for freeing them. How do you unpack that in a Facebook comment? The fact that so many people think celebrating the idea that the day the America got better is a bad thing shows what the “again” is in their “Make America Great Again” battlecry. Juneteenth is Freedom Day, but, for them, freedom is not for others. It’s their freedom to unlimited guns and their freedom to shove the 10 Commandments in our faces.

Each of these anti-Pride and anti-Juneteenth posts illustrates EXACTLY WHY we need Pride and Juneteenth celebrations. Social media has magnified the forces of marginalization. Every day, queer and black people are reminded of hatred towards them. Celebrating allows the cumulative trauma to heal just a little bit. (And can we get an intersectional day in June when queer black folk get a little extra love?)

Maybe it’s because I’m a sociology professor and my job is to help people unlearn ideologies of oppression that I’ve come to see June as a gut punch. This massive, very public, Klan rally seems to be growing. We lack serious national leadership on this issue. Trump and his troll army seem like they have momentum and Biden and Democrats fear looking too “woke” to come out swinging against this fascist fad.

Maybe I should stay off social media and find my people out in the streets. But, lordy, it’s hot our there. And about to get hotter.

The Secret Life of Fourth Grade Girls

~ Randy Blazak ~ 2 Comments

June 7, 2024

As Cozy approaches the end of her stint as a fourth grader, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the evolution of peer culture for a 9-year-old. The difference between third grade (which is technically “primary school”) and fourth have been like night and day, and the primary shift is all about who she wants to hang out with. I’m still Daddy and get plenty of time and love, but her friend group is now her preferred time occupier. There’s a new sheriff in town and it’s a passel of pre-tween girls.

In her seminal 1982 piece of feminist scholarship, In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development, Carol Gilligan charted how children generally play in mixed-sex groups through primary school. Cozy certainly had as many male friends as female friends. But then, as children begin to approach adolescence, they split up along gender lines; boys on one side of the playground and girls on the other. As a parent who is both at drop off and pick up, I’ve watched this phenomenon evolve over the school year. It’s like watching the formation of competing gangs.

We know that puberty is starting earlier for kids over recent decades. Every decade that passes, the average age of the onset of puberty moves up three months, according to recent research. This due to a number of factors including lack of exercise and changing diet. Researchers also think COVID accelerated precocious puberty, so there’s that. The bottom line is I was not ready for my child to be launched into adolescence quite yet, but here we are. Cozy has a bra.

At the moment, the gender split has a decidedly childlike element. It’s not about dating or harassment. It’s about bikes. That’s right, Cozy is in a biker gang. It’s a regular occurrence now that three or four girls on bikes show up in front of our house and holler, “Hey, Cozy! Come out and ride with us!” I encourage her to watch out for cars and then advise her to do a good job terrorizing the neighborhood. While her male counterparts are playing video games, the girls of Sabin Elementary are owning the streets and it’s glorious.

I spent a large part of my fourth grade year riding bikes with my friends, so I trust her as she rides out of view. In my time, boys ruled the streets while girls stayed home and learned how to fold clothes. If there’s any “domestic apprenticeship” in this house, it’s me telling Cozy to pick up her clothes before she ding dong ditches the boys on the next block. The girl bike gang is a revolution on wheels. I can only imagine what they talk about when they ride to the park to lay on the fourth grade gossip and pop culture obsessions.

The dark side of the peer bonding has been some actions that drift into the bullying zone. Cozy’s both flirted with it and been the subject of it. We’ve taken away her phone twice because of reports of chats that tease and exclude. I can’t police her interactions, 24-7, but I can limit her access to screens where impulsive actions are a lot easier. But the bright side is seeing Cozy’s peer group engage in pop culture separate from their parents. Her squad is firmly in the Swiftie camp and they will sing Taylor’s songs at full volume (including in the back of my car). It must be like what was like 60 years ago when The Beatles took over America. I love it.

Gilligan’s 1982 book offered a darker picture of this period. Gilligan found that when girls and boys peel away from each other, girls start to evaluate themselves by how well they can attract boys’ attention, not by how smart or athletic they are. She discussed that girls’ self-esteem plummeted around age 13 as they are repeatedly told that their worth is in their looks, forcing them to compete with each for the middle school Prince Charming. “Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

I’m hoping none of this patriarchal hell lands on my daughter. I can’t change 8000 years of male dominated culture, but I can hope, a) things have changed a lot since 1982, and b) she’s a lesbian. For now, she’s rolling with her girlfriends, having sleepovers, and evaluating clues in Taylor Swift songs (mostly clues about a guy named Joe). Unlike Gilligan’s 13-year-olds, Cozy is bonding with her diverse pool of girl power classmates. (In 1998, I presented a paper on how the Spice Girls were positively impacting girls ability to bond.) As they ride off into the summer, I’m going to support their freedom and close friendships. They’re gonna need it.