The greatest singer in the world.

December 4, 2014

I really hate the term “rock star.” It implies one is a narcissistic prick who wants some poor schlep to remove all the brown M&Ms from the bowl. Rock stars don’t have empathy or fight the good fight. Gene Simmons is a rock star. Same with the term, “diva.” If I was a singer and somebody called me a diva I would slap them in the face with my silk gloves.

So don’t call me a rock star. But you can call me the greatest singer in the world, if you want. I certainly am not. I was the singer of a punk rock band called Poop for one night, but that’s punk rock. And my stage name was “Nasty Crevice.” The reality is I am more likely to cause people to ask for their checks in karaoke bars as I try to get through a rendition of “Maybe I’m Amazed” that I thought was in my key. (Turns out my key is more Ringo on bad day than Paul on any day). But my daughter Cozette doesn’t know that.

We play plenty of music in this house (See Cozy’s College of Musical Knowledge in this blog), but I’ve been singing to her since her birthday. Out of the cradle, endlessly rocking. For some reason, “Yellow Submarine” was the first song I chose to calm her cries. (I know, I know, it should have been “I Am Woman,” which actually is in my key.) Somehow my singing works like magic and I fear the day when she realizes I am not the gold standard in vocalizing. That would be Perry Como.

When you Google “feminist lullabies” nothing really comes up. I did see folk-singer Odetta once discuss the radical theme hidden in “Rock-a-bye Baby.” It’s a pretty dark tune if you sing it like Trent Reznor. I guess I could work my way through the Ani DiFranco song book. But for her “fourth trimester,” here was the playlist:

“Yellow Submarine” by The Beatles

“Blue Bayou” by Roy Orbison

“Rivers of Babylon” by The Melodians

“Close Your Eyes” by Linda Ronstadt

“Just a Friend” by Biz Markie

“Oops, I Did It Again” by Britney Spears (for diaper changes)

“Human Behavior” by Björk

“Baby Face” by Little Richard

“I Love You Truly” by Bing Crosby (sung as “I love you, Drooly” when she drools)

“Golden Slumbers” by The Beatles

“Goodnight” by The Beatles

“Este Niña Linda” (a Mexican folk song)

“Fancy” by Iggy Azalea

“Oh My Love” by John Lennon

3 thoughts on “The greatest singer in the world.

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