Sweet Jesus, I hope my daughter is gay.

November 2, 2015

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I got to spend a day last week with Matthew Shepard’s parents. Shepard is the University of Wyoming student who was brutally murdered in 1998 because he was gay. I was invited to participate in a Department of Justice hate crime training of law enforcement officers in Salem, Oregon. I’ve talked about the “Matthew Shepard case” since it happened, but after hearing his parents talking about their son and seeing his face in theirs, I felt like I finally got to know Matthew himself. The pain of losing a child must be insurmountable. The pain of losing him or her to a hate crime only ads to the weight. The training was held on the sixth anniversary of President Obama signing the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. So much of that was to due to the hard work of Dennis and Judy Shepard.

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Listening them talk about how far we’ve come was encouraging. Gay people now have the same right to marry in all fifty states, thanks to the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges decision. Discrimination against people because of their sexual orientation in most states is illegal (although it’s still legal in Wyoming). “Homosexuality” has gone from shocking (Does anybody remember Billy Crystal’s character on Soap or Jack Tripper’s flamboyant caracature on Three’s Company) to Ellen DeGegerenes spending her afternoons with middle-class housewives. Some famous athlete or actor comes out of the closet and you can hear the crickets chirp.

But lord, we’ve got such a long way to go. In 2013 there were over 1,200 reported anti-gay hate crimes (and countless unreported attacks). Homophobia is still part of the mainstream youth vernacular (“That’s so gay.”) and there is a presidential candidate who thinks going to prison makes you homosexual. (Can there be a prize for the dumbest brain surgeon in America?) I could go on and on but it’s too depressing. For example, gay kids are still 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than straight kids. But we’re on it. We are way on it.  It’s a good day to be gay in Portland, but it still has to suck in Omaha.

The point is it’s getting better. There is a crack in the heteronormativity of our culture. Not only are there Gay-Straight Alliances popping up in schools all over the country (even Mississippi!), many parents with kids are not just assuming their children are straight. When I imagine dancing with Cozy at her wedding, it might be her marriage to a really awesome woman! Who knows?

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So while I was watching the Shepards talk about the murder of their son, how far we’ve come and how far we still have to go, I became lost in thought. There were two things stuck in my head that I thought would be important to say out loud.

First, Andrea and I don’t really care if Cozy is gay, straight, transgender, bisexual or any of the other letters. I think most parents worry that their queer child will just face more obstacles (including being victimized by hate criminals). Sure there are a few idiots who think their kid will burn in hell because of their “choice.” (What if Mike Huckabee has a gay kid?) But most just mourn the loss of freedom that child will experience in a homophobic society. My great hope is that when Cozy is a tween, coming out for gay kids won’t be any more dramatic than coming out for straight kids (and straight kids do come out).

She’s not going to have to wait for the right moment to break it to mom and dad. (Like most parents) we will already know. I’m more worried about finding out she’s left-handed (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Nobody should waste one second of their lives in the closet. (I’m looking at you, Mike Huckabee.) All she’s gonna get from me at the announcement is, “Meh. Have you done your homework? Oh, and I love you, bug face.”

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The other thing is there’s at least some good news for lesbians. Because men can be such pricks and are not good about talking about their feelings and shit, heterosexual couples have it rough. They fall into all that Mars and Venus gendered discourse. (Just read any book by Terrence Real.) These “traditional marriage” blowhards don’t seem to worry much about how most straight marriages end up in the dumpster. But research shows that since women are much better at talking to EACH OTHER, Cozy’s lesbian marriage has a much better chance of lasting until she’s an old lady riding off into the sunset (because that’s what lesbians do, I’m told).

Of course the added bonus to all this is that it will limit her exposure to douchebags. I’d prefer her having a soccer-playing girlfriend to a video game-playing boyfriend.

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At the least my gay daughter would be forced into taking up the fight against all the oppression that will still exist. She won’t be free to sit on the sidelines and just worry about her queer friends. As I’ve mentioned, it took me way to long to join this fight. Hopefully, she’ll be sitting in her fourth grade civics class in 2024 and reading about the bigoted morons that hogged the limelight in 2015.

And to paraphrase Heathers, one of the best movies ever made, I love my (possibly) gay daughter.

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17 thoughts on “Sweet Jesus, I hope my daughter is gay.

  1. Metthew Wayne Shepard (1976-1998) was not the innocent as he has been portrayed by Laramie Project or films like Shepard is a Friend of Mine. Metthew Wayne Shepard was a junky who assoc. with drug dealers in both Colorado & Wyoming, was possibly a drug dealer himself (Methew Wayne Shepard could also possibly have been a drug courier or a lookout, but whether or not he was a drug dealer he did assoc. with drug dealers) & when he was 15 years old, he was arrested for molesting 2 boys & he got counseling by Natrona County Juvenile Court for molesting 2 boys. Metthew Wayne Shepard had himself been a victim of child molestation by 3 different people when he was a boy & if he had not been a victim of homosexual pedophiles would he have turned out straight instead of gay?

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  2. I called Judy L. Shepard on May 6, 2015 @ her home. Dennis picked up (I spoke to him on November 3, 2014 to tell him his son was a child molester & drug dealer) & I asked for Judy after which he gave to Judy. I then told Judy Lynn Shepard that Methew Shepard was a child molester & drug junky after which she told me to get a life and hung up. I told the ugly truth of what her son was-a child molester & a drug junky. Homosexual groups have been trying to keep Stephen Jimenez’s Book of Matt from being sold. Honest discussion is discussing & rebutting-not censoring because 1 finds something offensive.

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      1. I read Book of Matt by Stephen Jimenez. Book of Matt by Stephen Jimenez Stephen Jimenez’s evidence are 1st party witnesses he interviewed-over 100 of them over 13 years. Homosexual groups targetted gay journalists Stephen Jimenez for his Book of Matt which offended homosexual groups & have been trying to keep Stephen Jimenez’s Book of Matt from being sold. Honest discussion is discussing & rebutting-not censoring because 1 finds something offensive.

        I haven’t plead his 2 killers cases other than say that the 2nd man R.A. Henderson should have gotten a jury trial & a jury should have decided what to convict him on. Prosecutor could argue why it’s Murder 1, defense can argue why it’s lesser charge of 2nd Degree Murder or Manslaughter & then jury decides-that is as far as I go with his case is saying he should have gotten a jury trial. R.A. Henderson’s case should be reviewed again on appeal because he wanted a jury trial.

        Let’s look @ what we do know about Methew W. Shepard. No matter why the murder happened, the idea that A.J. McKinney and Methew W. Shepard were strangers who did not know eachother until that day is rubbish. There are many witnesses-Doc O’ Connor’s ex girlfriend, Elaine Baker (bartender), M.K. Rohrbacher (drug dealer), Tristan (Ted) Henson (Methew W. Shepard’s former lover) & others who saw them together.

        There are too many witnesses who saw both men together. Of course the witnesses can only say they saw them together and can not know it all. It’s not believed Methew W. Shepard knew the 2nd man (R.A. Henderson) and I agree with Stephen Jimenez that Russell A. Henderson should have gotten a jury trial. Book of Matt by Stephen Jimenez Stephen Jimenez’s evidence are 1st party witnesses he interviewed-over 100 of them over 13 years.

        I don’t think Methew W. Shepard should have been killed but it is truth that Methew W. Shepard molested 8 year old boys and got counseling for this when he was 15 years old-Stephen Jimenez incidentally mentioned this near end of book-he interviewed a Casper Wyoming cop and a relative of 1 of victims. But Judy L. Shepard and the Shepard Foundation omits this ugly truth of Methew W. Shepard being a child molester and it would not surprise me if ex Casper Star Tribune journalists Tiffany C. Hunt, Kerry A. Drake and JC Marsden know this but left this out in that I find it hard to believe these 3 Casper Wyoming journalists did not know about Methew W. Shepard molesting 8 year old boys when he was 15 years old because Stephen Jimenez found this in court records and again, Stephen Jimenez incidentally mentioned this near end of book as most of the book was about the 3 people, A.J. McKinney’s problems, Methew W. Shepard’s life and problems and of course the drug problems. Incidentally, it’s possible that Methew W. Shepard had molested more boys other than the 2 case reported to cops. Both JC Marsden & Big Island Chronicle Tiffany Camille Hunt sees nothing wrong with Methew W. Shepard selling drugs and molesting children so their view is rubbish.

        Methew W. Shepard associating with drug dealers in both Wyoming and Colorado is not disputable. Methew W. Shepard went into bars where drugs were sold and he did associate with drug dealers-we know that he went to bars named Tornado, Ranger, Library & other bars in Wyoming and Colorado where drugs were sold. Methew W. Shepard’s friend Tina LaBrie expressing concerns about Methew W. Shepard’s drug and $ problems. We know that Methew W. Shepard was having $ problems (spending so much on limosuine rides in Doc O’ Connor’s limousine).

        Methew W. Shepard’s a junky (proven fact), drunkard and had money problems. Sheriff O’Malley has said that if Methew W. Shepard sold drugs, the cops would have known which is dishonest-Sheriff David S. O’Malley and Sgt. R.J. DeBree know cops don’t always catch all the criminals and that many drug dealers escape detection. Sheriff David S. O’Malley and Sgt. Robert J. DeBree have arrested drug dealers and they know how it’s the family and friends who get surprised after they learn some1 they know is a drug dealer.

        Sheriff David S. O’Malley and Sgt. Robert J. DeBree know that it’s unlikely MW. Shepard told his friends and family that he was a drug dealer, and even if Methew W. Shepard did tell his friends and family that he sold drugs, don’t think his family will admit this ugly as they had tried to hide the fact that Methew Wayne Shepard molested 8 year old boys and got counseling.

        Now was Methew W. Shepard’s assocation with drug dealers and going into bars where drugs were sold more than buying drugs ? Was Methew W. Shepard a drug dealer or a drug courier? Stephen Jimenez thinks so and he believes it was the Denver circle. No, Stephen Jimenez does not know it all but his conclusions are sincere and honest. While homosexual groups complain about Stephen Jimenez saying the murder case is complicated and possibly not a hate crime, that is incidental-main reason homosexual groups are offended by Stephen Jimenez’s book is because he talked about the ugly truths about who M.W. Shepard was. You don’t always know the secrets friends and family have. If a person is a drug dealer, then they are usually not going to tell their friends and family that they do this.

        Even if Metthew W. Shepard did tell his friends and family that he sold drugs, don’t think his family will admit this ugly truth about him, as they hide the fact that Methew Wayne Shepard molested 8 year old boys and got counseling for it. Laramie Project, Shepard Foundation & Big Island Chronicle Tiffany Camille Hunt sees nothing wrong with Methew W. Shepard selling drugs and molesting children so their view is rubbish.

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  3. I’m a nonreligious person who sees something wrong with homosexual & lesbian conduct & I think that they must make it a crime to do sex changes. Even if orientation doesn’t change, it’s best for gays/lesbians to be celibate just as it’s best for a person with tobacco orientation not to smoke.
    There’s nothing any1 can say which changes fact that gay/lesbian conduct is result of bad things such as childhood sex abuse & possibly bad genes though they’ve not conclusively proven it’s genes. Never have I heard straights blame childhood sex abuse for reasons a man has sex with a woman and fathers children with her. Yet sometimes have heard gays and lesbians say childhood sex abuse is reason they do same sex behaviors.

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  4. I don’t promote gay life to my children because I want them to be honorable people not sexual deviants. Also want them to please God and have eternal life not eternal damnation. Your choice for your daughter clearly shows you don’t care. Of course you’ll censor this and not post it because you have no man balls. Did you get them removed?

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    1. Of course I’m posting this. It’s important for people to see what ignorance and bigotry looks like. Now if you would like a peek into the sexually deviant world of heterosexuals, I can post a link to Craigslist if you want.

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      1. Homofobia is telling truths, theories and speculations which offend homosexuals. While they have not conclusively proven homosexuality/lesbianism is inborn genes, homosexual groups often use this theory as definite by saying how they are born this way-which possibly can be the case for some but more studies are needed. But when facts are raised about the link between childhood sex abuse and a kid doing homosexual and lesbian activities in adutlhood, homosexual groups often get offended, condemn it as homofobia. Even if it’s true that homosexuality is inborn for some people, homosexual/lesbian conduct would still be bad for health.

        Homosexual groups targeted Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey such as trying to censor her book ‘Maybe he is not gay’ (homosexuals have even threatened Linda P. Harvey with violence) because Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey is right about the dangers of homosexuality & Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey is right that they must abolish sex change mutilations. The priests who molest young boys are gay pedophiles. If a man has sex with little girls only, then he is a straight pedophile. Rush H. Limbaugh’s right when he said Jerry A. Sandusky is gay-a gay pedophile and columnist Patrick J. Buchanan condemns who he calls gay priests who molest young boys. Those priests are again gay pedophiles, pederasts or homolesters. So there are many homosexual pedophiles such as the gay priests, Jerry A. Sandusky. http://americansfortruth.com/2011/11/10/labarbera-how-many-boy-victims-of-penn-state-homosexual-predator-jerry-sandusky-will-end-up-thinking-they-are-%E2%80%98gay%E2%80%99/

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    2. Homosexual/lesbian conduct is bad for health like tobacco & needs to be treated like tobacco use by adults. If willing & knowing adults want to use tobacco & or do gay/lesbian conduct, then that’s their life, but it must be treated as harmful like tobacco is. I think that they must make it a crime to do sex changes.

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    3. In July 2015, I called Sheila Lopez of PFLAG Arizona who thinks it’s OK for William Bruce Jenner to become a fake woman-I left a message. Now Sheila Lopez is an American Indian woman who sadly has 2 kids who are gay & lesbian. I left a message for her asking if her kids were sexually abused, along with the scenario of what if William Bruce Jenner believed he were an American Indian man trapped in a White man’s body, that does she think then that William Bruce Jenner should be mutilated to become a fake American Indian? Sheila Lopez never called me back. To Ellen, US Magazine & People Magazine, it’s wrong to try to help gays & lesbians become straight if they ask to do so, though that’s often result of sex abuse, but Ellen, US Magazine & People think it’s OK to mutilate Bruce Jenner to make him a fake woman & call him by a fake name.

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  5. I have comments on gay bashings. Before I do, when it comes to gay/lesbian topic, gay groups are against free speech rights if a person gives views which offend gays. Gay groups have even made ethnic insults against Blacks who have made comments which offended gays. We have no right lecturing Uganda on their laws against gay/lesbian conduct, but NAACP has not supported African nations such as Uganda’s right to have laws against gay/lesbian conduct. There have been cases where Black men such as former Atlanta fire chief was fired for a book he wrote about dangers of homosexuality outside work hours which offended gay groups. NAACP did not defend the Black fire chief’s free speech rights.

    & again, gay groups have made ethnic slurs against Blacks who see something wrong with gay/lesbian conduct & also slurs against Blacks who see something wrong with sex change mutilations. NAACP has not supported free speech right for Blacks because guess the NAACP thinks rights of gays more important than Black free speech rights. NAACP did not condemn gay activisit Dan K. Savage when Dan K. Savage made graphic comments against black US President Candidate Benjamin S. Carson. Anyhow to gay bashing topic.

    ANY assault and battery or murder cases including gay bashing cases, unless there is a plea bargain (which happens in most criminal cases) juries decide after hearing both prosecutor and defense lawyer. Juries decide what is reasonable & excess because each case is different and must be judged individually. As known with murder cases, there is Murder 1, Murder 2 and Manslaughter which is a jury topic. If a defense lawyer in a gay bashing case wants to raise a crime the gay did such as harassment, indecent exposure, etc. before man reacted violently, then that must be regarded in deciding verdict. Prosecutors can argue why they think it was excess force and defense lawyer can argue why it was justified force. Jury decides if it’s justified or excess force. A jury can acquit or if they convict, they can convict a person on lesser charge.

    A rebuttal people make is that gay bashers will sometimes say things to justify their deeds such as saying the homosexual committed indecent exposure, harassment, stalking and so on and that it’s the gay basher’s side of story. Yes-but just as gay basher’s have interest to justify their deeds, gay bashing victims have interest to make themselves look like innocent victims. We don’t always know the other side of story and that is usually different from what homosexual says happened. Again if it’s true homosexual committed indecent exposure, harassment, stalking, etc. before men reacted violently, then the fact the homosexual committed a crime before he was bashed must be decided by jury in deciding if gay basher(s) used reasonable or excess force. I would rather have a case where a jury decides if a man’s reaction to bashing or killing a homosexual is justified or excess vs. the man doesn’t do enough and the gay does something worse. Most men and boys who are victims of gays usu. won’t call cops to report that a gay is committing indecent exposure, harassment or in worst cases molestation until some1 reacts violently and bashes the gay.

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  6. Something to regard-if you’re a store owner there is no need to put up signs that say ‘don’t steal’ because stealing is a crime and no need to say no to a crime the other person has no right to do. If some1 is stealing from your store, the right thing to do is use reasonable (not excess) force to stop the the thief and have the police arrest the thief. If you do nothing, then worse can happen as these situations can be unpredictable. It is possible for a thief to be stealing things anything small such as shoplifting candy to expensive things such as diamonds and then beat up or even kill the shop keeper in the same crime with or without weapons. Many cases where thieves have beaten up or killed shop keepers after stealing. No, stealing alone does not justify deadly force but theft may not be the only crime intended and it is possible for thieves to beat up or kill their victims. If the thief is high on drugs (such as a junky who steals to support his or her habit) then it is possible for the thief to be stealing things and then in a drug rage attack or even kill the store owner with his own hands.

    So if a homosexual is going to commit harassment, indecent exposure, stalking, assault and battery (such as if a homosexual grabs a man’s butt or groin against will), etc. then a man has a right to use reasonable force to end the abuse. There’s no need for a man to say no to a homosexual who is committing indecent exposure, etc. because there’s no need to say no to a crime the other had no right to as in the store owner eg.-stealing is a crime and no need to say no to thieves. If a defense lawyer in a gay bashing case wants to raise a crime the gay did such as harassment, indecent exposure, stalking, etc. before man reacted violently, then that must be regarded in deciding verdict.

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    1. It’s no surprise that most journalists will give news which agrees with NLGJA & it’s news (as we see how most media is apologist for William Bruce Jenner) which omits facts which offend gays. Most media is either pro-gay & lesbian & or they will write the news to favor homosexuals & transexuals because if a reporter writes somethings which offends gay groups, then gay groups complain to a media’s advertisers & if media loses advertisers, then it is bad business.

      Homosexual groups targeted Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey such as trying to censor her book ‘Maybe he is not gay’ (homosexuals have even threatened Linda P. Harvey with violence) because Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey is right about the dangers of homosexuality & Mission America’s Linda P. Harvey is right that they must abolish sex change mutilations. Homosexual groups target any journalist who gives views which offend them & they target Mission America radio hostess Linda P. Harvey because Mrs. Linda P. Harvey tells truth which offends gays.

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  7. I respect your level of enthusiasm about trying to be an advocate for the LGBT community. I know how passionate you are because I had the privilege to have you as my professor. Your level of enthusiasm is how I am about the military community.

    You say you wouldn’t make a big deal if your daughter came out. But there’s something that makes me wonder. I know you talk negative about Christians and their beliefs. My question to you is this: would your feelings toward Christians change or be the same if your daughter became a Christian and/or married a Christian man? Also, would you talk negative to her about her Christian faith like you do to other Christians? You said and I quote, “it took me way to long to join this fight,” would then get on the same ship that your daughter is? Lastly, would you look down on her if she was against people who are LGBT?

    I ask those questions because it has me curious if your feelings or if anything would change should your daughter have a completely set of different beliefs that you have.

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