February 17, 2016
How did we end up with a child who is a year and a half old? While she’s watching Sesame Street, let me quickly jot down these thoughts.
- One does not simply “just leave the house” with a toddler.
- Whoever invented the packaging for cheese sticks needs a very long Time Out.
- Only here am I allowed to ask, “Can I smell your butt?”
- If the kid eats food off the floor, she doubles as a pet.
- So what if her two favorite words are “Dada” and “cracker”? White dads lives matter.
- If she doesn’t get what she wants she bangs her head against the wall, getting what she wants.
- She’s very helpful loading clothes into the clothes into the dryer. Along with my tools.
- This girl is a dancing queen with moves that might be an alien version of crunking.
- She loves her mama and dada almost as much as she loves Elmo and Ellen Degeneres.
- If she likes you, she will blow you a kiss goodbye. She likes the checkout ladies at Fred Meyer especially.
- When she eats an apple, it’s not to the core, it’s and the core.
- She has her own language which is a mix of Spanglish, ASL and (I’m guessing) Icelandic.
- There is great joy when the kid sits on her potty and grunts.
- She was barking like a dog before Hilary Clinton made it a thing.
- She likes to sweep the floor, unlike her mother.
- The moment when she took “Wheels on the Bus” off her CD player, put Radiohead on and started space dancing.
- She thinks the move of Sesame Street to HBO is a complete betrayal of the whole purpose of public television.
- This baby is not a baby anymore.