10 things I know from having a 5 month old daughter

January 22, 2015

The 5 months have flown by, but I’ve learned a few things about myself and the known universe. Here are 10 random lessons.

  1. Just let me do the laundry, because everything is going to be pink anyway.
  2. That moment when a screaming baby gets her bottle of milk must be the same as a junkie getting a hit of heroin. For both of us.
  3. Girls fart without shame.
  4. When my daughter wears the brown hat my mom saved from my babyhood and people think she is a boy, I get a thrill from her first gender transgression.
  5. Her saying “Mama” first is not a fair contest because that’s the sound of the mouth coming off the breast. The baby’s mouth, not mine.
  6. If a baby doesn’t poop for a day, get ready for a California mud slide.
  7. When we dance to Van Morrison songs in the living room, I already picture dancing with her at her wedding.
  8. She knows how to use her eyes to get what she wants. 5 months old.
  9. I regularly imagine that I’m inside a burning car trying to get her out of the Graco car seat.
  10. I could just listen to her for hours, my little Yoko Ono.


Bonus: #11 – I can drink a LOT of coffee now.

4 thoughts on “10 things I know from having a 5 month old daughter

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